Heroin overdose /other shit

Okay so I've never asked for help on here before and this is a pretty touchy subject for some I'm sure. I'm really looking to see if anyone has experienced having an overdose/been around one. I'm not really looking for advice. I guess just hoping someone can relate in some way and also kind of just getting shit off my chest. I'm going to share a little bit of what's been going on the last year or so. This isn't even the half of it, but I'm trying to keep it as short as I can. Sorry if it gets confusing. I'm tired and kind of out of it.

As some of you might know, I've struggled with drug addiction for about 11 years now. I've been hooked on multiple substances, but my main one has always been opiates. I've usually been able to keep my life pretty together, but it has still cost me a lot after all these years. Shit caught up with me and I ended up in jail for 3 months back in February and then 4 different rehabs over another 3 or so months. When I got out 2 months ago, I was trying to avoid a lot of old friends, so I got an apartment with this guy who was my roommate at a halfway house and seemed like he wanted to stay clean, which I thought could also help me. Unfortunately that lasted about a week. He had way too much money, started doing heroin again, and went back to rehab. He started bringing around this girl who I had a quick thing with or whatever back in one of the rehabs I was at and ended up getting kicked out for it. I didn't want anything to do with her and I told him that many times. I let her stick around after he left though because she said she could move in right away and pay 3 months in advance. I was considering it if I couldn't find anyone else. Once again, she started banging heroin and meth, so that never happened. She ended up introducing me to this girl about a month and a half ago. We hit it off instantly, slept together, and were pretty much inseparable for a month after that. She was always over at my apartment and was considering dropping her lease and moving in because she hates where she is now. That didn't go well with the other girl and she didn't end up staying long. They've been friends for 10 years, but now hate each other because of me. The girl who was already staying at my place also started stealing money from her multiple times to be a bitch, so I finally just kicked her out because of all the drama.

So everything was going good after that. The one and big problem though is that this new girl uses too. Now I'm sure a lot of you are going to say I'm an idiot. Thing is, I really do care about her. I've been with a lot of girls, but few that I can say I actually want to be around all the time. Okay she's a model and is gorgeous, but I'm not just attracted to her physically or using her like I've usually done in the past. Yeah I'm not as much of a druggy asshole as I was either, but I still know when I actually like someone.

Things continued as normal until I ended up overdosing a week ago. Even after all these years and all the shit I've mixed, I've never OD'd to the point of going to the hospital and it just had to be now. Since February, I've used opiates twice up to this point. My tolerance was low and I ended up having bronchitis, so my lungs were already weak. I did a shot at her place and another one 2 hours later. The rush hit me and I instantly passed out on her bed. She carried me to the car and drove me to the hospital. Luckily she had a couple friends over in the other room to help carry me. I woke up 8 hours later with tubes all inside me. Apparently I was so far gone, the narcan didn't even work. They said I was close to getting brain damage and being a vegetable. I realize how lucky I am to be alive. Things haven't been the same since. I went over to her house after I got out of the hospital and she could barely look at me. She just looked so sad. I apologized and thanked her a million times. She says everything is fine and acts like it's no big deal, shit happens. After I left her place, I texted her saying that I hope things won't change, but I understand if it does and how badly I fucked up. I asked her to just be straight up with me and she kind of snapped back saying that nothing has changed, but we should just be friends for now lol. I feel terrible for putting her through that and always will. I know how bad of an experience that was for her. I mean, she watched me almost die on her bed for fucks sake. We still talk every day and see each other some, but it's definitely not like it was. I'm completely understanding about it and just giving her time to get over it, but I'm still just angry at myself for fucking it up. I'm also curious how some of you would feel and react if you were in her shoes and watched someone you care about almost die. I know that I would get over it quickly and I wouldn't let it change things, but that's me and I can't expect the same from her. I'm also worried about her. I've lost too many people close to me due to drugs. At the same time though, I'm over all the drugs and tired of watching people change. She hasn't been using for that long and I've already seen her changing. I know she wants to be clean, but I can't help her if she isn't willing to right now. I have no idea how things will end up, but I'm just letting things be for right now. I know it's not good for me to be with her if she's just going to keep using. I've pretty much separated myself from everyone who still does, but I don't want to give up on her yet either. She's a good person and has so much potential. I'm also considering moving back downtown because I don't care for where I am now and I can't afford the rent and bills on my own. I also don't know many people up here who don't use drugs, so she's pretty much the only thing keeping me here right now.

Also I've just been feeling weird since the OD. My head constantly hurts, I'm tense, restless, I can't think as clear. Even writing this is kind of difficult. I know I'm stressed and shit, but I'm still a bit worried. I'm assuming it's normal to feel strange after an OD and that it takes time for your body to recover? The drugs are out of my system though and I haven't used since, so I don't know. I know I'm asking too much to expect a lot of people to be able to relate much on this, but maybe someone can help some. Thanks in advance.

 

Wow man, that's some really heavy shit.

I've never been into drugs myself, so I can't relate on your level, but even after that near death experience and being around people who still use, will that cause you to start using again as well? You've got to protect yourself above all else, even if that means losing the things you care most about.

Is it possible that the overdose cause some brain damage? I know that overdosing can cause damage to organs, but I have no idea about the effects on your brain. Is there someone you can talk to about it?

This is some oddball advice of my own, get out to the country, move somewhere quiet and start over. Some fresh air, fresh faces might do you some good if you don't have too much weighing you down, if you have anything saved up, go see the world. Ultimatley, no matter what you decide to do, you need to take care of yourself.

 

Thanks man. That's good advice actually. I have relatively good self control when it comes to being around drugs, whereas some people have none whatsoever. I can watch people shooting shit and not really be that affected by it. Still though, it's never a good situation to put yourself in when you have a problem with drugs. If an addict really wants to use, then he will whether it's around or not, but having it in front of you definitely increases the odds and will eventually cause you to give in. Moving up here and surrounding myself with drug addicts again just fucked me in the end. Yeah I've managed to stay clean for the most part even while being constantly exposed to it, but at the same time, it ultimately lead to my OD. Almost dying did open my eyes some. I know the chances of surviving another OD is rare and it only takes a little too much. I'd be lying if I said I haven't been having cravings, but I'm trying to stay strong and just waiting for this rut that I'm in to pass.

Overdoses can absolutely cause brain damage if your brain goes long enough without oxygen, which is called Cerebral hypoxia. It will eventually turn you into a vegetable or kill you. I'm not sure if there are any long-term effects though. Unfortunately I'm not really finding any information on after effects of an overdose. It's possible my body is still just recovering. Not sure.

I would love to travel and I definitely plan to at some point soon. I've lived all over Atlanta and I'm just sick of it all really. I could definitely use a break from it. Unfortunately I can't bring myself to leave everyone right now nor do I have the funds to do so. I plan on moving to Colorado eventually and working at a ski resort or national park. Always been something I'd like to do for at least a few months.

 

In regards to your once girlfriend, If she feels the same way as you, the way you feel about her, my take on her wanting to be friends is more a defensive mechanism to minimise any heart-ache on her end. By that I mean, she probably can't/doesn't want to go through all that pain again.

 

Yeah, your body will still be healing after the OD. But if you're worried about any problems, see a doctor.
I personally don't take any hardcore drugs like that, infract I don't take any anymore. I do know someone who takes or has taken those kind of drugs and I'll see if he will talk to you.

You need to stay away from people you know takes drugs, or has taken them. You need to just stay in a clean environment so you're never tempted.

 

I know you're not looking for advice but, you're trying to stay away from people who use drugs now and thats a very good start. But staying there just for the girl you once were together wouldn't be worth it, what if (I'm just saying if) you fall back on the drugs. (not saying u would but everything is possible)

 

^ endrit is right the only reason you must doing it is because of the people around you

 

It's simple, stay away from druggies. Some might be close to you but they are just dragging you down with them. It will suck but you will realize sooner or later. GL on your situation.

 

Yeah that definitely plays a huge part and I can understand. I also know she kind of blames herself too and has mentioned several times that she waited way too long to take me to the hospital. She was taking a nap at the time and didn't find me until she woke up. I don't resent her for it at all though. All I see is that she saved my life. What's done is done.

Yeah that's what I figured. Everyone I know who has OD'd though never had any after effects. I know the biggest thing I need to do is avoid people who use, which is what I'm trying to do, but it's not always easy. There are still close friends to me who use that I've known for 10+ years that I have a hard time dropping. Most of them have slowed down a lot and have their lives together, but some of them haven't. After losing so many people to drugs, it's hard to just stand by and watch it happen to those you care about. I want to help them, but I know I can't do anything either other than just be there for them when they need help. Addicts either get their shit together and stop using or they eventually die. It's tiring watching so many lives get ruined for so long. It was different when I was always using and didn't give a shit about anyone, but now this is the longest I've ever been clean and it's difficult dealing with all of this sober. I'm still trying to adjust. I know how dangerous surrounding myself with all this shit is and how badly I need a fresh start, but I'm still struggling letting go.

Yeah that's good advice. I know the smart thing to do is just move on and leave to a different area. I actually wouldn't say I'm ONLY staying for her. I like my apartment, just not the area so much. I don't really want to go through all the trouble of moving and finding a new place to live and would rather just wait it out until my lease ends in March. I do have a couple clean friends up here, but I still miss being downtown where I know a lot more people and there is more to do.

The people around you play a big part, but it's not the only reason. If a drug addict wants to use, then he will. I know people who have relapsed multiple times, some even after 10 years clean. The cravings were just so strong that they just couldn't control themselves. Fully understanding the power of a drug addiction is impossible to understand if you haven't experienced it. It's a lifelong struggle. The majority of the population can use drugs and alcohol occasionally without getting hooked, but most addicts just can't without abusing them. For example, the first drug that I ever took other than maybe alcohol was Percocet that I got when I got my wisdom teeth taken out when I was 13 and have pretty much been hooked on opiates since then. I didn't smoke weed until a few months after. Getting drugs is ridiculously easy too if you know where to go. Atlanta has the bluffs also. All I have to do is go down there, talk to one of the dealers standing outside, and they'll sell me anything I want from heroin to crack.

It's not always that simple though. I know the best thing to do is separate myself from everyone who uses, but that's easier said than done. I don't hang around most of the people I used to, but there are still a few that I'm having a hard time completely letting go of. I still have clean friends who I mostly hang around. While avoiding drugs altogether and the people who use them is a big part, it's not the only thing that plays a factor. The only way an addict is going to be able to stop using is if they're happy. It's extremely important to find something you love doing to keep your mind busy and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good. I do realize that I'm not going to be happy if I keep having to put up with all the bullshit.

 

i knew a homie who once had a girl OD with him, dude forever took the blame all on himself. it drove his ass up the wall and he got heavy back into it till he got himself into serious bullshit. all i have to say is keep an eye on your girl, make she sure aint keepin nothing but a pretty head on her shoulders, cause to me it sounds like she's puttin up some facade type shit.

 

Hey man, that's totally uncalled for. While it may be your opinion, it's not constructive and it doesn't offer any advice to the OP, please keep comments like that to yourself unless you genuinely have something to offer.

 

And your a faggot

 

Yeah I've blamed myself for a lot of shit that I've done in the past. I've hurt a lot of people and it's definitely hard to get over, especially when you're in the process of getting clean. You have to move on eventually though or the guilt will ruin you. I'm trying to keep an eye on her as much as I can, which is pretty much the only thing I can do right now. We still haven't been seeing each other that much in the last week though. She definitely is pretty closed off from everyone, which is hard to deal with. The one time I tried pushing her a little bit to just be straight up with me the day I got out and it ended up making things worse. I'm just not bringing up what happened anymore.

Thanks for the very helpful post. Basically saying people deserve to die from an extremely complex mental condition. And yeah drug addiction is a disease by the way. Anyone who knows anything about it will tell you the same thing. Drugs are a fucking epidemic and prescription painkillers are currently the number one killer in the United States. And those are legal drugs prescribed by doctors. I've studied this shit for years and I feel strongly about it. I'm sorry, but you're just a terrible and very ignorant person, so your opinion doesn't mean shit to me coming from someone like you. I wouldn't wish drug addiction on my worst enemy.

 

I'm a bit busy to comment a really full and in-depth response, but I'll just address your body's response to an OD. I've had a bunch of friends, way to many to really even want it to be true, but it really put a HUGE toll on their bodies. A close girl friend of mine OD'ed and the girl wasn't herself for like 2 weeks. I wish you the best of luck in recovering and I'll talk to some of them in the next few days and see if they have anything to say. I'll have another response soon!

 

The answer is simple but the work is hard is what I should of said. You ALREADY KNOW your answer so what are you waiting for? I do agree that you need to be happy to quit BUT you also have to realize that you will be in pain until you get the hard craving out first then you'll start being happy. You will see the benefits of leaving/officially quitting. Survive 2 weeks without drug and friends by doing something (I just stay home and sleep/watch movie for the first 3 days then just game and work the rest). You don't need to tell anyone, you just do it and if anyone questions then just tell them that you need to be alone for a while. EVERYONE know what they want, they just don't know how to get it most of the time. To be happy, remove all assholes in your life which include yourself ( change your lifestyle/attitude if it's helping you become a asshole).

 

Thanks. That makes me feel better actually. Everyone that I still talk to who have OD'd said they recovered very quickly, so I didn't really know what to think. Everyone's body is different though and my OD was especially bad considering the amount of time my brain went without oxygen. I'm actually feeling a lot better today though, so I'm not that worried anymore.

I've already gotten the hard cravings out, but the cravings are always going to come up from time to time even when I'm 80 years old. A drug addiction is something that sticks with you forever. You can be clean for 20+ years and end up relapsing if you aren't careful. I've seen it happen many times. I've taken several weeks, even month breaks over the 10 or so years that I've been using. I was actually clean for 6 months from February to August, but I've used a few times since then. The thing that helps me the most to take my mind off drugs is just hanging out with friends and doing something fun. I get bored quick when I'm just sitting around at home watching TV or whatever. I don't like being alone a lot. I do work too, which of course helps a ton. Anything that keeps you busy makes a big difference. I'm not a selfish asshole anymore. I used to be at the lowest points of my addiction, but now I care a lot about other people, which has been a bad thing in some ways since I sometimes find myself putting others first and just end up getting hurt because of it. I'm learning from my mistakes though and I know I need to put myself first, but also be able to stay clean. I'm working on finding that healthy balance.

 

Well let me put it this way, you know what you want already. Your a smart individual and you don't need our opinion because you already have yours ideas figure out in the right direction. Now it's just up to you to make sacrifices and work from there. We're just here to support you. GL brother .

Also I know it's going to suck giving up things you care about but that's just how life is sometimes. Gotta give up something for another thing.

I also agree, cravings will never go away that's why I said "hard" craving.

 

Yeah you're right. I definitely know what I need to do. It's just a matter of actually making myself do it. Things have changed some. Me and her are pretty much done and honestly, I don't give a shit anymore. I'm already pretty much over her. On Monday, she called me all upset saying she wanted to get clean and she needed my help. Of course I said that she could come over here for as long as she needed to and that I would take care of her and help her through the withdrawals. I would do the same for anyone that I care about. She said she was going to go to the methadone clinic the next day too. Of course none of that ever happened. She ended up bailing on me like she always does and stopped responding by like 8pm. I had finally had enough and ended up texting her saying how inconsiderate she is, how patient I've been with her, and that I'm basically over it. I canceled all my plans for her and it just pissed me off. She texted me the next morning apologizing and saying she's been soo tired and fell asleep. Nothing new. I just ended up going home to my family the next day to spend Thanksgiving with them. I don't have patience for her shit. I know she's a decent person when she isn't on drugs and I'm willing to help her get clean because I do care about her, but I still can't make her do it and until she does, I'm basically just done with her. I still talk to her some just about every day, but as far as having a relationship with her, that's pretty much out of the picture now. Whatever though. I'll find someone new and much better in no time. I kind of realize now that a lot of it had to do with her looks. She's just so god damn hot and I'm so attracted to her. Honestly though, fuck that. I don't need to be doing that shit and it's time for me to find a healthy relationship and a girl that will treat me right. Fuck models. They are too stuck up anyways and every model I've ever dated is nuts. I got enough going on in my life already to be having to put up with crazy bitches. Other than that, I've separated myself from all drug addicts. I've also decided to wait out my lease until March so I don't destroy my credit. It's no big deal. In March, I can finally move wherever I want and things will be better.

 

Holy shit quite an impressive story, really well penned down. I've had an OD once from X. Basicly back then I couldn't remember shit untill I woke up in the hospital with all these wires connected to my body lol ..

 

I never took a drug I could OD on... But I have taken amounts of acid that could kill a baby elephant.
I ended up having a horrible trip and lost my mind. Nothing was real to me for months after that. Parents, friends, significant other, etc. Basically someone would tell me "you are fine, do you want some water" and i'd reply "this isn't water. what the hell did you do to it?"

With that being said, large amounts of drugs tend to linger. The drug can be out of your system but your psyche/body has to recover too.
Don't underestimate your own mind. It knows the harm you did and its working at making sure you never do this again. Just kick back and embrace your mistake. Accept what you did and move on. Give it time and your body will fully recover. It's truly amazing how your body can rebuild after such a fall.

Hope for the best, feel free to pm.