Teenage girl love problem. lolwat

Here comes my life story...

I've been in this relationship since around July 2011 with a guy named Vince. We were best friends, never stopped texting, had loads of things in common; he was sweet, funny, always wanted to spend time with me. Now, it seems as though he couldn't care less. We've been saying "I love you" since the start; now, it's hard to squeeze it out of him. He doesn't live near me anymore; he's in California & I'm in Florida so things have been rough due to the long distance. Anyway, we always fight and I feel like I want to tell him I'm done but I can't say those words because I know I'll cry. Thinking of losing him makes me tear up and I hate that I don't know how he feels. He always acts like things are ok, but he treats me like shit. His friend of 5 years (and mine of about 1.5 years) hates him because of the way he treats. Austin, the mutual friend, is definitely like a brother to me; we share everything with each other. Austin has been trying to tell me that Vince won't change, that he isn't the friend he has known and loved in the past, etc. I didn't want to believe him, but he was right.

About 20 minutes ago, I started arguing with Vince about whatever, and it lead to him saying, "We won't last to graduation if you make a scene like this every month." How else am I supposed to express my feelings? I have 3 friends I trust telling everything to, but Vince absolutely hates when I talk to people about us (especially Austin). So, I'm not "allowed" to tell Austin about our fights anymore. How does he expect me to release my pain? I build it up and eventually have to let it go, which ends up being at him because he causes all my pain but won't let me talk to anyone else about it. I was ready to tell him, "Fuck off. You're right, we won't last until graduation. Have a nice life." Then I got sick to my stomach. Why is it so hard letting go? -- I have abandonment issues and I lose a lot of family + good friends. I never get to say goodbye, so I want to be the one to end it with Vince if it comes to it.

I've always known everyone and everyone has always liked me -- I can talk to anyone in the halls out of random (we're a small high school), but I find myself avoiding people a lot now. I take the shortest routes to class, to the bus, etc. I'm angry a lot, I cry at the most random of times.

Now on to the somewhat plus side...

A lot of people think I'm the perfect girlfriend; play Xbox, play RuneScape, don't wear make-up, funny, smart, attractive. I now like this other guy, Greyson. I want to give him my number but I'm extremely shy around the people I like. I feel like I'll never be able to put myself out there again.

Just looking to see what anyone thinks. Should Vince be a goner; would it be easy to just give Greyson my number?

 

I think you should maybe suggest to Vince that you guys go on a break for a while. Believe it or not, most couples can get tired of each other - even me and my girlfriend sometimes - it's normal! If after the break he's still mistreating you then I'd seriously think about calling it quits.. It's not worth it to be treated in a way that makes you unhappy, and I can assure you that you'll move on and find someone else who will. It might be a bit soon to move on with Greyson but you should definitely at least start talking with him.

Good luck ^_^ You know my Skype if you need it

 

I can relate to this story as I was doing the exact same thing Vince was doing, however me and my girlfriend didn't live far apart.

The only way you are going to get Vince to actually stop treating you like the shit on the bottom of his shoe is with a threat, or an action. I personally was kicked up the arse by my girlfriend by her threatening to leave me and that was what it took to realise that I may lose something extremely important in my life. It may just be a case of the distance has got to the root of your relationship and as RwmRS2 has said, you've become tired of each other.

I personally would either end it completely if you feel like you just cannot take any more of it, threaten that you are seriously contemplating ending the relationship, or ask for a short break, be it a week or two. You don't deserve anything less than happiness due to the horrors that you have already experienced in your life and if it is getting you down on a daily basis then there has to be a point where you make a decision. It may be heartbreaking and upsetting but in the long run you will ultimately feel better for it as I am sure there are plenty of people out there who will be able to make you happy.

As for Greyson, I wouldn't give him your number until you have made your mind up about what you are going to do in your current relationship. If you do happen to give it to him and start talking, and start liking him more and more for example, then you and Vince work things out all of a sudden and he starts being nice to you, someone is going to get hurt and it could be a recipe for disaster. At the moment it may seem like the correct thing to do given how you are being treated but two wrongs don't make a right and it might actually result in you losing both of them should you not make a decision on who you wan't to be with.

I'd definitely have a think about that one!

 

^Might as well break up if you consider doing the above. In my experience, breaks lead to break-up anyhow, so might as well do it now than drag this on.

Before doing anything with Greyson (giving your number), should probably clear things up with Vince first so you won't feel so guilty if you give Greyson your number. If things don't clear up, just tell Vince on the spot that you don't wanna deal with all the BS and carelessness anymore and end it with your head held high (no drama and no tears).
You'll feel better that way.

THEN, you'll be in a more suitable position to go further with Greyson

 

If I were you, I would break up with Vince and focus on myself. Establish independence from having a man in your life for the time being. The main reason I'll stress that suggestion is, you haven't even graduated high school which means you have a lifetime ahead of you. Also, don't forget that you're in a long distance relationship as well. Which is extremely difficult because physical confrontation is key no matter what age you are. Also, you're far enough down the line in this relationship to say what you mean to say. Whether he'll take a liking to what you have to say or he won't, you need to express your feelings. Typically it's the guy who bottles his emotions up, which usually ends very badly. Don't make that mistake, if he can't come to terms with your thoughts (let alone accept them), then move along. It's going to feel like the end of the World. However, I guarantee you'll be happy you made 'that decision' once you give yourself some space because from the sounds of things you're trapped in the eye of the hurricane here.

 

Wisely said. I couldn't agree anymore with the establishing independence as I was about to suggest something similar.

Also I'd end it, that's the best thing you can do. Long distance is almost always tough and horrible, it's just such a huge milestone to be able to get through. From there, see if Vince comes to his senses down the road. If he doesn't, there's nothing else you should do.

How does it reach Vince anyway? When you tell people about your predicament.

 

Well let me ask the obvious is Greyson local? If so I wouldn't even think twice about it.

At your age you shouldn't be trying to do long distance relationships, you barely learn anything from them at your age and it makes you emotionally tied up in things that are much less complex and important than they seem.

Relationships especially at your age NEED the presence of both parties because you need to learn about subtle hints and suggestions otherwise you will run into trouble down the road when you are non-verbally telling people things you don't want to be.

 

I'm sure we already talked about this on Skype, but, I've threatened it before and he got really nervous and started freaking out. Then he blamed Austin because he's gonna be the "reason I leave him." That's why I can't talk to him about us, he blames him.

I don't know if I'll feel any better without him, though. I know I'm young, but I love him and want to believe we can work it out. We have always been able to. He's just.. changed.

He doesn't like when I talk to people about us, as I said. I don't understand him. He doesn't want me to "bitch" as he said I was last night, but, he won't let me express myself to anyone. Like, what the fuck? Seriously?

Yeah, he's in the same school. I really wanna go for this, but I don't wanna just throw away Vince. It's that I wanna at least feel comfortable with a new friend if anything were to happen. Being lonely isnt fun.

----

Vince told me to stop bitching last night. I was unbelievably pissed and blew up on him; told him how self-absorbed and careless he is and that's he a douche. What's he say to that? "How am I a douche?" So we talk, turns out he hasn't been in the "best of moods" lately. For what; the last 3 months? Buck up. Let alone the fact, if he's having problems, he can tell me. I've asked countless times if anything was wrong since he's been acting weird and all he says is "It's nothing, I promise." and "There's nothing wrong."

Meh.

 

Sounds like he's more trouble than he's worth. Maybe he feels the same way but doesn't want to be the one who ends it? I had a long distance relationship and we both got pretty bored until I ended up moving closer. Maybe he has other interests too? I'd end it after I've heard more now, you can be happy with someone else and your interests in Greyson are only going to grow

 

Based on everything I've just read, I'm going to go ahead and say dump his ass. He's no good for you. Obviously a long distance relationship isn't working for you two.

Start speaking to Greyson and see what happens.

 

I would move on, and find someone that treats you correctly and loves you.

You're young, and have your whole life ahead of you. Ending this situation will free up your head, and allow you to move on and find someone else.

 

Does Greyson know that you have a boyfriend? You could talk to your BF and him, not a cheating thing but - compare things. Stuff in common, manners, etc.? Not sure what else to tell ya but if your boyfriends treating you like crap it's time to get rid of him.

The dude doesn't even live in the same state as you anymore, he could be hanging out with other girls for all you know! Best of luck.

 

Charlotte i would advise you to simply try Greyson out, won't hurt.. just call it chills with Vince for now, say goodbye to Vince as thats what you want, and just start and try with Greyson.

 

it seems to me vince is jealous of Austin because he is closer to you than vince is... Vince should be a goner. Not sure as for Greyson. See how it pans out. Seems to me you got plenty of attention, you take charge

 

Update I guess...

SOOOO, basically, I attempted to end things with Vince. The past week has been odd. Turns out Austin has feelings for me, Vince is apparently broken hearted, and Greyson is now out of the picture. Last week, Austin and I were talking and somewhere along the way, we drifted in to the conversation about Vince. WELL, Austin has feelings for me. He's always loved me (as a friend, of course), but most recently he's felt stronger about it. So, I'm sorta in a love triangle. I don't want to hurt Austin, as I love him as a brother. Vince has been trying to prevail himself and I have the urge to tell him I'm sorry. I just can't risk going back to what he was before. Although, apparently the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank is spot-on about his feelings. I listened to it (even though I already have it on my phone because its awesome), and cried. What? Why? ._. I'm so weak ermagahud.

watisthisidonteven

 

It is normal for you to feel guilty and miss certain aspects of your old boyfriend but in the end you have to take guilt out of the equation when weighing the pros and cons. Don't take him back just because you feel guilty. Good luck.

 

I'm only gonna make an assumption here, but after reading your latest update.. doesn't seem like you are too keen for Vince OR Austin, since you don't want to risk going back to what Vince use to be and only love Austin as a brother.

Why not just let both know you want to be free of relationships for now, I'm sure Austin would understand since you just got out of a relationship and as for Vince.. he'll get over it. Time heals everything

 

Just do what makes you happy, be selfish and don't feel guilty about how the other might feel. That way, you're not gonna end up in a situation where you're unhappy - and in turn make them feel even more shit. Just let the situation blow over, and decide from there which, if any of the relationships would make you happy. And if not, just let them know they're just your friends, they're like brothers and you couldn't take it any further. I'm sure they'd understand.

 

So Austin is friend-zone and Vince was an ass to you? Best bet is to not see either of them and find someone else.

Go back to Vince you get what you ran away from in the first place, and the distance isn't really ideal for someone your age.

Austin will bore you after a little bit most likely since you already know mostly everything about him since he was your "friend" (I suspect he has wanted to date you for every day hes known you).

 

Honestly girls always try to not believe this but its true: Guys get tired of girls after a while. The first drive/passion in a relationship is physical attraction. Which means most likely at one point, he thought you as a person was too annoying, or that he could no longer put up with you, proportional to how attractive he thought you were. So I'd say dump that shit hole. Go with your heart and what you truly want. Independent women rule the world.