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06-19-2010, 03:17 AM
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Hero
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Los Angeles
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iLife - Rap -
I wake in ache a new headache as I witness hate
I intake a new mistake a new outbreak
I say things will change I arrange my fate yet I only see strange
I stay hopeful as I ride by but I only see more people die as I pass by
I pray to god why I cry as I say goodbye to those who tried
I better myself each day I pray as I lay dreaming of some other day
I wonder when, when I can begin to see change; a promised lie
I begin to see what they imply, to my surprise it flies right on by
I open up I see the truth it soothes my soul I found my goal I see my youth
I pack it up I'm ready to go time to find the plateau time to regrow.
Last edited by juvenilepunk : 06-19-2010 at 04:24 AM.
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06-20-2010, 04:45 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Nice, I like it. 
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06-20-2010, 08:16 AM
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Hero
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Thanks, it's my second "rap".
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06-20-2010, 08:18 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Quote:
Originally Posted by juvenilepunk
I open up I see the truth it soothes my soul I found my goal I see my youth
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My favorite line. Good work.
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06-20-2010, 08:23 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Thanks bro, I'm happy people like it 
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06-23-2010, 06:12 AM
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Apprentice
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Very articulately written, hard to come across nowadays in rape. Goodjob.
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06-23-2010, 06:30 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Good flow man.
My suggestion is, use more metaphors, maybe some "better" words, and mix up the beginning of each of your lines.
but keep it up bro.
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06-23-2010, 06:32 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
I normally would switch up the beginning but notice the title, iLife.
Hence I used I in the beginning of each line.
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06-23-2010, 10:04 PM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
didn't know you named it. sorry.
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07-10-2010, 12:08 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Maybe put a beat to this song, got a good sound to it atm. Maybe you need to use more complicated words in your rap?
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07-10-2010, 11:58 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1LastChance
Maybe put a beat to this song, got a good sound to it atm. Maybe you need to use more complicated words in your rap?
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Yea, i'd have to agree.
Wayne and Tupac both used real big words, try it.
But, nice rap 
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07-10-2010, 03:06 PM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Rap doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't have to have big words...
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07-10-2010, 03:20 PM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Quote:
Originally Posted by juvenilepunk
Rap doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't have to have big words...
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But it soulds better.
For example.
Tupac - Dear Momma "I reminice on the stress I caused, it was hell
Huggin on my mama from a jail cell"
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07-10-2010, 03:31 PM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Long words can mean absolutely nothing not to mention there is none in the above statement.
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07-10-2010, 04:14 PM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Quote:
Originally Posted by juvenilepunk
Long words can mean absolutely nothing not to mention there is none in the above statement.
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I know, but it sounds a lot better with bigger words.
Just my opinion.
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07-21-2010, 07:14 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Personally to me it rhymes too much, it starting to sound like a poem. My mate raps and told me it has to rhyme at least once in a line.
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07-29-2010, 08:19 AM
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Would you mind if I used this in once of my upcoming rap songs? I am using a program to create custom beats etc. and I have an entire song made out but that would be a nice little chorus if I could add it in there somewhere and mix up the words. Let me know! PM ME !
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07-29-2010, 06:33 PM
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Hero
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Re: iLife - Rap -
Quote:
Originally Posted by trapt01
Would you mind if I used this in once of my upcoming rap songs? I am using a program to create custom beats etc. and I have an entire song made out but that would be a nice little chorus if I could add it in there somewhere and mix up the words. Let me know! PM ME !
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Be my guest, I'd like to heard it when it's finished if you do use it.
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