Serious Mental/physical help appreciated
Let me tell you a brief history about my self. As a young kid, I was one of those kids who was fat, not as smart during my elementary and middle school years. I barely went out a lot and rarely had any friends at that time because how the way they I looked. People knew that I had been taking special classes so they would have thought that being a friend with me would drop their rep in school but I didn't care. I was introduced to gaming in my life during that time which also made me anti social and gain lbs. Everything changed in high school.
I will summarize this as short as I can and please excuse my grammar, and all because I never passed eng.3/4.
So the gaming addiction has gotten worse as I constantly kept on playing and playing. I had horrible grades and why I never passed 3/4 eng lvl classes. I did make a few friends which better than a lot due to all mines are closest friends I have but some just drifted apart.
So here's the problem(present)
As currently in a gaming addiction, I decided to try community college with no resume from high school. Got my fafsa money only for classes but didn't get my debit card ever so f it. I paid out of my own pOcket. I was taking all remedial classes because I failed miserably on the placement tests. So that being said, as my gaming addiction gets worse and worse, community college was not working out for me. English was too difficult but maybe I suck at taking note or didn't know how. Or maybe I just didn't study because I really tried to spend time studying straight but I can't handle it. I can play games for hours straight but that seems like a normal thing I would do. I stopped attending community college after a month after failing my first quarter on mathematics. I guess I didn't study enough or didn't know how like I mention previously what I said.
I scored a 0.1GPA on my first semester because I didn't drop the class because if I did, I figured that I would have to pay the government back. I lost all my motivation towards my education. I thought to myself clearly that I imagined myself with my degree but the only downfall is that you need to be a good talker in order to do well on those interview. I previously had jobs that were gaurantee regardless of interview whether or not u messed up or not. Well I did really bad. I have such a huge problem speaking and bad eye contact only if. Don't know what I say. I didn't have a good vocabulary too.
I don't really know what I should do now. Winter sem. Just started and all of my closest friends drifted cos of school and work. I feel like I'm not the type of person for to be in college. I'm fine going straight to work. My previous jobs are all repetive doing the task over and over again. Don't really know whats wrong with me as I feel like I chose the wrong path to the successful life. I assume that games wrecked my entire life. Well I do have a savings account with a large amount of money, and my plan was to move away and buy a cheap home under 100k paying in full and not in mortgages it'll take a few years.
Most ppl including fam told me go to school and work. Well first I'll be in debt from school, jobs are extremely hard to find, I have a problem with interviews as the only way to getting a job is having a good interview. But seriously I even doubt myself that I have a mental issue that idk I can't explain it. I'm way to familiar to all these slang words like naa oh dam wtf fool etc
Thanks for reading and I appreciate all the help